


Dragged under by the current of who you wish you weren't

by orochisInebriation (asterCrash)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, M/M, Overstimulation, Public Sex, Sexual Slavery, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 18:13:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7372342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asterCrash/pseuds/orochisInebriation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a cool new alternate reality game, Rose tells you.</p><p>It'll really take your mind off things, she says.</p><p>Once you're hooked, you won't want to play anything else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dragged under by the current of who you wish you weren't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Laylah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laylah/gifts).



\-- tentacleTherapist [ TT ] started pestering turntechGodhead [ TG ] --

TT: How are you enjoying it so far?  
TG: sokay  
TG: kinda kitschy  
TG: its been a while since i got in on any alternate reality games  
TT: Have you got very far in yet?  
TG: ive just done some of the basic ones  
TG: go to a meaningless location and upload a photograph of gibberish pseudolanguage graffiti.  
TG: dumb shit like that  
TT: Are you up to the “twist” yet?  
TG: yeah  
TG: not surprising but still kinda cool  
TG: i mean, like  
TG: having it be that youre working for the aliens rather than the resistance is better than the other way round  
TG: but its not very creative  
TT: Give it time. You haven’t been contacted by any of the trolls yet, I’m guessing.  
TG: that is still the dumbest name for an alien race  
TG: but no  
TT: They’ll probably be in touch soon, you’ve been moving up quickly on the forums. I think you might have caught their eye.  
TG: yeah i dunno  
TG: im probably not gonna play a whole lot more  
TG: busy guy and all  
TG: sick beats to drop  
TG: phat rhymes to write  
TT: Boring nine to five job to desperately escape from into a world of fantasy?  
TT: Come on, it’s fun, isn’t it? Reading the conspiracy posts, tracking all the serial numbers.  
TT: Just finding the forum was exhilarating, let alone getting the chat client.  
TT: Tell me you haven’t had at least one thrill so far.  
TG: getting the server address out of the release dates of betty crocker ads was kinda cool  
TT: Wow, you really must be enjoying yourself, you didn’t feel the need to insist your enjoyment was ironic at all.  
TG: oh it isnt a good weekend at chez strider unless you spend five hours researching baked goods corporate policy  
TG: there was no better use of my precious relaxation hours  
TT: Sarcasm is my game, Strider, don’t think you can hide behind it.  
TT: Come on, Dave.  
TT: Admit you love it.  
TG: yawn

\-- turntechGodhead [ TG ] ceased being pestered by tentacleTherapist [ TT ] --

 

* * *

 

\-- turntechGodhead [ TG ] began pestering tentacleTherapist [ TT ] --

TG: does it seem to you like some of the other players are kind of  
TG: i dunno  
TT: Weird?  
TG: i was gonna say randy  
TT: Dave we’re playing a game about helping an invading alien race, it’s hardly normal.  
TG: yeah but there’s weird like us and weird like extended soliloquies about how much they want to suck our alien overlords tenta-dicks  
TG: that kind of flagrant speculation is rambunctiously against the core ethos of the conspiracy theorist mystique were trying to cultivate here  
TT: Oh? You’re going to have to link me I’m afraid I haven’t checked the forums lately.  
TG: this isnt butler island lalonde  
TG: find your own xeno  
TT: Okay but give me a few minutes.  
TG: because im just dying to know exactly what you think of this borderline pornographic junk speculation  
TT: I think “borderline” might be an understatement.  
TG: i didnt want you getting too excited  
TT: Well as prose goes it leaves a lot to be desired.  
TT: The role of a pumpkin in the fantasy was admittedly a nice touch.  
TG: what pumpkin?  
TT: You wanted me to see the one by GT this morning, right?  
TG: there’s another?  
TG: i was talking about the chick who types like shes wasted all the time  
TT: So multiple individuals are converting our little clade into yet another internet refuge for eclectic pornography. It was probably inevitable.  
TT: Did the other one use the same bulge and nook headcanon or are there now multiple interpretations?  
TG: it was porn, lalonde  
TG: i didnt exactly give it the high school english treatment  
TT: I found another.  
TT: GG seems to source her ideas from some of the more creative alien curses we’ve seen so far.  
TG: i thought GG was a dude  
TT: She was very explicit about what she would like to do with some of her findings.  
TT: Also what she would like to do and quite possibly has already done with some pastry, but I find that to be neither here nor there.  
TT: Have you heard from any of the trolls yourself yet?  
TG: not directly  
TG: but im starting to get missions that aren’t part of the standard game already  
TT: Like?  
TG: basic stuff  
TG: log in on a new device log in from a LAN cafe log in from work log in from a relatives house  
TT: You went all the way back to Texas?  
TG: nah  
TG: way i see it  
TG: papa johns is everyones family  
TT: Well keep me posted.  
TT: I’m interested to know what your impressions are of the trolls once you meet them.  
TG: theyre just other players arent they?  
TG: i thought we agreed that once you got far enough in an admin tapped you and you start moderating for all the other chumps  
TT: Have you ever seen any moderation on the forum?  
TG: ive seen posts go missing yeah  
TT: I’ve seen a few like that, it seems to always be the user deleting their own messages.  
TT: Anyway I don’t think the trolls are players.  
TG: what makes you say that?  
TT: Just a sense I’ve gotten while talking to a few of them. They’re a little too dedicated about the typing quirks and the vernacular.  
TT: A side note, if the one that types in blue offers to explain the lexical difference between a hoofbeast and a musclebeast, do not let him.  
TG: ill pass on the worldbuilding thanks  
TT: They’ll probably contact you quite soon.  
TT: Prepare to be impressed.

 

* * *

 

\-- adiosToreador [ AT ] started trolling turntechGodhead [ TG ] --

AT: hEYYY,  
AT: fIRST, oK, i THINK YOU'RE AWFUL,  
AT: lET'S PUT THAT FACT ON THE TABLE WHERE WE CAN BOTH SEE IT,  
AT: bUT WE NEED, FOR YOU TO DO US A FAVOR,  
TG: oh my god you type like a tool

 

* * *

 

This is stupid. This is stupid. This is stupid.

You don’t know how the fuck that troll convinced you to go along with this stupid, stupid mission.

“That’ll be two fifty,” says the cashier. You fork over your hard earned dough for the bottle of shitty soda.

Once outside the convenience store, you pull out your phone to await further instructions. You still can’t believe that you bought into his shitty over the top confidence that this was the right thing to do.

 

TG: alright ive got your awful fucking soda  
TG: why this brand?  
AT: eXCELLENT, yOU HAVE THE STUFF,  
AT: aND BECAUSE YOU, aCTUALLY, gOT IT, i WILL IGNORE THAT QUESTION YOU JUST ASKED,  
AT: aND YOU WILL NOT BE PENALISED,  
AT: fOR ASKING DUMB QUESTIONS, eVEN AFTER WE TOLD YOU TO STOP,  
TG: just tell me where i gotta offload this bad boy  
TG: if i get seen associating with these kinda brand choices at fuck oclock in the morning im gonna get an unsavoury reputation  
AT: i CAN TELL, fROM YOUR SASSY TONE, tHAT YOU’RE NOT USED TO DOING WHAT YOUR BETTERS TELL YOU TO,  
AT: bUT I FEEL, iN MY CONFIDENCE, tHAT WE WILL BE ABLE TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF YOU, tHAT IS USEFUL TO US,  
AT: tHERE IS AN URBAN NATURE SQUARE, aT THE END OF THIS STREET,  
TG: you mean a human urban nature square  
AT: yES, sORRY FOR THE LACK OF CLARITY,  
AT: aT THE HUMAN URBAN NATURE SQUARE, lEAVE THE ELIXIR, oN THE REPOSE BOARD, tHAT IS NEAREST, tO THE ENTRANCE,  
TG: what the fuck is that  
AT: aN ENTRANCE IS LIKE, a PLACE, tHAT LEADS TO ANOTHER PLACE, gENERALLY AT THE FRONT OF THE SECOND PLACE, tHAT THE FIRST PLACE LEADS TO,  
TG: i know what an entrance is dickbag  
TG: what the fuck is a repose board  
AT: oH I’M SORRY, fOR ASSUMING, tHAT YOUR RACE WAS SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW BASIC SHIT LIKE THAT,  
AT: iT IS HARD, sOMETIMES, tO REMEMBER HOW PRIMITIVE, yOU REALLY ARE,  
AT: a REPOSE BOARD IS LIKE A THING, tHAT YOU CAN SIT ON,  
AT: bUT IN PUBLIC, aND LONGER THAN THE THING, tHAT WE HAVE SEEN YOU SITTING ON,  
TG: you mean a park bench?  
AT: i MEAN A REPOSE BOARD, bUT IF YOU WOULD LIKE, tO PRETEND THAT I MEAN A HUMAN PARK BENCH THEN YOU ARE WELCOME TO,  
AT: fROM WHAT WE CAN TELL, yOU ARE THE KIND OF WIGGLER WHO LIKES TO PRETEND A LOT,  
AT: yOU PRETEND TO LIKE YOUR ASSIGNED LABOUR, wHEN YOU ARE BEING WATCHED,  
AT: yOU PRETEND THAT YOUR INTERESTS FULFILL YOU, wHEN YOU ARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS  
AT: wHEN REALLY WE BOTH KNOW, tHAT YOU WOULD RATHER BE ON YOUR COMPUTER, aND TOUCHING YOURSELF, tO DOING ANY OF THOSE THINGS,  
TG: dude what the fuck  
TG: chill with the WE ARE WATCHING HUR DUR schtick  
TG: im bringing you the fucking soda already

 

* * *

 

The park is deserted when you arrive, thankfully. If you get mugged for your awful soda at three in the morning you are never going to forgive yourself. There’s one really obvious park bench as soon as you come in, illuminated by a flickering streetlight with its back to a bush. You place the soda down on the centre of the bench; then, to be pedantic, you tip it over sideways. The orange liquid inside sloshes and fizzes, captive within its plastic prison in a literal sense and prisoner to its own mediocrity in a metaphorical sense.

TG: okay its done now what?  
AT: cONGRATULATIONS,  
AT: yOU HAVE PROVEN, tHAT YOU CAN BE TRUSTED TO FOLLOW BASIC INSTRUCTIONS,  
AT: eVEN IF YOU DID DRAG YOUR NUBS, eVERY STEP OF THE WAY,  
AT: nOW YOU ONLY NEED TO LEAVE, aND GO BACK TO YOUR BLOCK,  
AT: aND NOT LOOK BACK, aT THE SODA,

You don’t bother trying to be snarky, because you’re fucking tired and you’ve spent all night letting yourself be hassled by this tool. You almost make it back to the gate of the park before hearing a rustling from behind you. You don’t even think of the troll’s instructions before you’ve turned around to face the noise, expecting a slasher flick stalker to be standing behind you in some kind of sportsball mask, instead you catch a glimpse of something back by the bench. A long, lanky arm has reached out from the bush and taken hold of the soda. You can’t see much in the dark, but in the brief seconds of illumination under the flickering light, the hand looks to be gnarled and tipped with claws. Its skin is grey and covered in purple scratch marks. The joints bend inhumanly as the bottle is pulled slowly back into the bush. You take off running in the direction of home.

 

* * *

 

GC: YOU C4N ONLY 1GNOR3 US FOR SO LONG  
\-- turntechGodhead [ TG ] is an idle chum! --  
GC: W3 KNOW WH4T YOU S4W  
GC: 4ND W3 KNOW TH4T YOU W3R3 1NSTRUCT3D SP3C1F1C4LLY NOT TO LOOK  
GC: SO W3 F1ND OURS3LV3S 1N 4 PR3D1C4M3NT  
GC: W3 COULD PUN1SH YOU >:]  
GC: OR, S1NC3 YOU KNOW OUR S3CR3T  
GC: W3 COULD M4K3 US3 OF YOU  
GC: QU4DR4NT P4P3RS ON TH3 R41S3D SURF4C3, 1 VOT3D 1N F4VOR OF 3X3CUT1NG YOU 4S 4 W4RN1NG TO OTH3RS  
GC: 4ND W4S S4DLY OV3RRUL3D 1N MY OWN COURTBLOCK  
\-- turntechGodhead [ TG ] is no longer an idle chum! --  
TG: oh my god do you have to come off so desperate  
TG: i mean yeah i can see why all you alien cosplayers would be desperate for this dick  
TG: but i am but one man  
TG: and i cannot be expected to satisfy all of you at the drop of a hat  
TG: i wasn’t even at my computer and here you are describing your murder fantasies at an empty chair  
TG: rude  
TG: that poor chair was not consenting  
GC: YOUR HUM4N CONC3PT OF CONS3NT H4S NO PL4C3 1N 4LT3RN14N L4W  
GC: 4ND W3 BOTH KNOW YOUR S34T W4S F4R FROM 3MPTY  
GC: TH3 T4ST3 OF YOUR PLUSH RUMP F1LL1NG 1T WH1L3 YOU COW3R3D 1N T3RROR W4S 3XQU1S1T3  
TG: okay you startled a tired guy with your puppet show at three in the morning  
TG: big woop  
TG: not the first time puppets have gotten the better of me and probably not the last  
TG: you found my one weakness  
TG: congratulations guys humanity conquered  
GC: OK4Y 1 W1LL JUST 4SSUR3 OUR F34RL3SS L34D3R TH4T YOU W3R3 S1MPLY TOO P4NFUCK3D FROM C4TCH1NG 4 GL1MPS3 OF 4 R34L L1V3 4L1EN TO 4D3QU4T3LY R3C4LL TH4T YOU H4D S33N 4 R34L L1V3 4L1EN  
GC: 1T H4S B33N NOT3D TH4T G4MZ33 POS3SS3S WH4T YOU 34RTH HUM4NS R3F3R TO 4S “TH3 Y4O1 H4NDS” 4ND 1T 1S UND3RST4ND4BL3 TH4T YOU WOULD B3 4DV3RS3LY 4FF3CT3D BY TH1S  
GC: 1T WOULD 4LSO 3XPL41N WHY YOU F3LT TH3 N33D TO RUB ON3 OUT 4S SOON 4S YOU GOT B4CK TO YOUR BLOCK  
TG: i told you to cut it out with the pretending you can see me shit  
TG: and the weird obsession you guys have with me masturbating  
GC: YOU 4R3 W34R1NG 4 SH1RT W1TH CH3RRY R3D SL33V3S 4ND SOM3 K1ND OF BROK3N SONG C1RCL3 DR4WN 1N TH3 M1DDL3  
GC: YOU 4R3 4LSO W34R1NG 4 P41R OF BLU3B3RRY BOX3R SHORTS TH4T DO NOT M4TCH 4NYTH1NG 3LS3 1N YOUR W4RDROB3  
GC: JUST TH3 ON3 P41R 4ND Y3T YOU S33M TO W34R TH3M MOR3 OFT3N TH4N 4NYTH1NG 3LS3  
GC: 1T 1S CONSP1CUOUS TO THOS3 OF US W1TH 4 K33N S3NS3 OF SM3LL  
GC: TH3 ST1NK OF SUSP1C1OUS GU1LT R4D14T3S FROM YOU WH3N3V3R YOU W34R TH3M  
GC: 4S W3LL 4S OTH3R MOR3 OBV1OUS SH4M3 R3L4T3D SM3LLS  
GC: 4ND OF COURS3 TH3 3NS3MBL3 WOULD NOT B3 COMPL3T3 W1THOUT YOUR M4ND4TORY COOLK1D SH4D3S  
\-- turntechGodhead [ TG ] is an idle chum! --  
GC: YOU C4N COW3R 1N YOUR CH41R 4S MUCH 4S YOU L1KE COOLK1D BUT W3 C4N ST1LL S33 YOU  
GC: COV3R1NG TH3 W3BC4M W4S 4 GOOD F1RST 1NST1NCT BUT W3 C4N ST1LL S33 YOU  
GC: YOU 4R3 HOLDING UP YOUR M1DDL3 FROND NUB 4T MY M3SS4G3S  
GC: 1 C4N ONLY 4SSUM3 TH1S 1S 4N 34RTH HUM4N G3STUR3 M34NT TO CONV3Y SUBM1SS1ON 4ND OB3D13NC3  
GC: YOU C4N LOG OUT BUT YOU C4NT D1SCONN3CT  
GC: W3 C4N ST1LL S33 YOU

 

* * *

 

\-- twinArmaggedons [ TA ] began trolling turntechGodhead [ TG ] --

TA: okay 2o the other2 have told me youre beiing a liitle 2hiit about thii2  
TA: 2o were goiing two proviide you wiith 2ome iincentiive2  
TG: actually can we go back to the guy with the stutter? youre way worse  
TA: 2uck my bone bulge human thii2 wa2nt my iidea  
TA: now check your onliine currency repo2iitory  
TG: what the fuck  
TA: ye2, ye2 you may be iimpre22ed wiith how easiily we have fucked up your iimpo22iibly 2hiitty monetary exchange  
TA: iit2 okay iif you need two 2woon  
TG: no dude im asking what the fuck am i going to tell the irs  
TG: this is a frankly illogical amount of money for a person to pay tax on  
TG: ill ship uncle sam his cut only to get an army of weeping guys in suits on my doorstep thanking me for actually paying a thing  
TA: are you done?  
TA: you know that routiine 2top2 beiing cute pretty quiickly riight?  
TA: maybe iif you want two keep beiing u2eful  
TA: you are goiing to have to learn what your human iignorance 2haft ii2 actually for  
TA: iim puttiing you back two TZ now becau2e there2 no way iim gettiing my a22 caught up iin thii2 traiiniing 2hiit  
TA: but iif you want two thank me later  
TA: 2uck my bone bulge human

\-- twinArmaggedons [ TA ] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [ TG ] --

 

 

GC: 1 W1LL 4DM1T TH4T W3 4R3 N3W TO HUM4N CUSTOMS  
GC: BUT 1 W4S UND3R TH3 1MPR3SS1ON TH4T WH3N YOU 4R3 SHOW3R3D W1TH CURR3NCY  
GC: MOST HUM4NS CONS1D3R 1T POL1T3 TO T4K3 TH31R CLOTH3S OFF  
GC: 1N FRONT OF TH31R W41T1NG 4UD13NC3  
TG: what you want me to strip for you?  
TG: i am hella flattered but you realise that our human internet is literally full of porn right  
TG: you didnt need to pay anyone to see what naked people look like  
GC: 4ND W3 D1DNT N33D TO P4Y YOU 4 S1NGL3 C43G4R TO W4TCH YOU T4K3 YOUR CLOTH3S OFF 1N TH3 4BLUT1ON BLOCK  
GC: OR TOUCH YOURS3LF SH4M3L3SSLY  
GC: OR CRY OUT TH3 N4M3 OF 4NOTH3R FUCK4P3 WHO 4LMOST C3RT41NLY W4NTS YOU L3SS TH4N W3 DO  
GC: TH3 D1FF3R3NC3 1S  
GC: 1F YOU DO 1T NOW  
GC: 1T WONT B3 B3C4US3 YOU W4NT3D TO  
GC: 3V3N 1F YOU DO W4NT TO >:]  
GC: 1F YOU DO 1T NOW  
GC: 1T W1LL B3 B3C4US3 W3 TOLD YOU TO

 

* * *

 

Your suit is a gaudy red felt affair that Terezi picked out of your closet for you. You dressed for her slowly. The club she’s directed you to is a dive, back when you were trying to make it as a DJ you wouldn’t have touched this place with a ten foot pole, the offer to play here is as sticky as the carpet and probably neither has ever known the gentle love a steam mop in their entire existence. The bouncer looks you up and down like you’re dressed in drag, something between a leer and sneer and none of it good. He doesn’t stop you as you walk on in.

The lighting inside is just as shit as you remembered, and up on the turntables you see some hack’s cousin sitting back while his ipod does the work, tracks not blended, beats not synced, probably still getting paid for this disgrace to good music. Your phone vibrates in your pocket.

GC: G4ND3RBULBS ON TH3 4W4RD COOLK1D  
GC: YOUR T4RG3T 1S 4T TH3 B4R

Your target, another player whose loyalty was under scrutiny. You know there’s a handful of other people at the same stage as you, trying to prove you can be useful to the trolls, all for the chance of getting to know more about them. If this is some kind of elaborate ironic scam you are beyond caring, it’s hard not to go along with stuff anymore. You’ve taken extended leave from your work, the cash the trolls wired you was enough to put you up for the next year and it leaves you free to work on your music. All you have to do is rub one out while Terezi says creepy shit about your HUM4N M4N BULG3 over chat every so often and they’re happy to leave you be. You’re finally starting to feel like yourself again after so long being too exhausted to do anything you actually enjoy. If this is some shitty ironic scam then well played fuckers, you’ll take it anyway.  
You mosey through the bar, trying to look for someone on their phone, or otherwise looking out of place. You see Rose. She’s slouched against the bar, dressed up to the nines in that orange dress you bought her on a dare years ago. You see a glass in her hand, filled with what is probably more motor oil than bourbon and realise why the trolls would be worrying about her loyalty. Hell, you’re worried about her yourself, you didn’t know she’d fallen off the wagon again, or how hard she’d fallen.

“Dave!” she shouts on seeing you and waves you over to the bar. As you approach she pats rapidly on a soggy looking barstool to her left, you opt to stand.

“Lalonde, what the fuck is up?” You don’t want to be angry with her but if she had told you she was going through shit then you could have helped her before it got this bad. “I thought you were off the sauce for good.”

She keeps patting the seat next to her enthusiastically and eventually you relent, sitting down on something you’re sure will need to be dry cleaned out. She preens at your obedience. “I know what yer thinking,” she slurs, “but it wa’n’t my call! Kanyaya said tha I should stop holdin myself back and so, so I bought myself some fun things, just fer a little while.” You take a look at her earrings, little gold dangling suns and have a feeling that some drinks are not the only things she’s bought since the trolls noticed her. “I’s nice, right? Not having to work, jus doin what they tell you?”

Your phone vibrates in your pocket, you flip it open without thinking.

GC: GOOD JOB F1ND1NG TH3 T4RG3T SO QU1CKLY  
GC: 1F TH3 TWO OF YOU 4R3 NOT FUCK1NG 1N TH3 N3XT F1V3 M1NUT3S TH1S 1S OV3R 4ND N31TH3R OF YOU W1LL H34R FROM US 4G41N

You look up at Rose just as she peers up from her own phone. Her expression is a mix of confusion, fear, and humour, like she’s not certain if this is a joke. You watch her think back on the stuff the trolls have made you do and realise it’s probably not.

 

* * *

 

You kick the exit door open and drag Rose out into the alleyway behind the bar, relieved to find it empty. You silently mutter a prayer of thanks to the patron saint of all desperate people who just want to fuck in a grungy alley without having to deal with creepy voyeurs. Well, more creepy voyeurs than usual. Rose is stumbling behind you, still hammered and unsteady on new shoes to begin with. You pull her around and press her up against the cold concrete making up the side of the bar’s wall. You put your knee between her legs and grind up, trying to be sexy but also desperately conscious that you have no idea what the trolls are going to count as ‘sex’. Rose shivers a little with what you hope is anticipation but is quite likely just the chill of early spring time air. A warm trail of liquid runs down your leg and you realise that the shiver was probably just your drunk best friend pissing herself.

“Rose,” you say, fumbling with your belt buckle, “shit, I don’t know how to ask this,” the fucking latch on this gaudy piece of shit never works, “is this okay? I mean, are you cool with this?”

“I don’ want to lose her,” is all Rose says before she forces your mouths together. It’s not a passionate kiss, but it is desperate and god knows that’s doing something for your boner.

She’s got her arms around your neck, nibbling at your lower lip, as you pull her dress up and to the side, sliding your hand into her lingerie and trying to give her some attention. You know it’s going to be hard enough getting yourself going given the circumstances and you don’t know how you could live with yourself if you hurt her. A small selfish part of you shuts down thoughts of whether Rose is too drunk to agree to this. Her underwear is soaked, but not the way you need it to be, and Rose doesn’t stop you as you pull the pair off her hips and leave them to slide down her legs.

Rose frees up one of her hands and slides it down into your open pants to squeeze your dick through your underwear. You know she’s a whole lot less fluid in her sexuality than you are, but she seems to know her way around down there, you don’t think you’re her first dude. You hope you’re not her first. You keep pushing down the thoughts that say this is your friend, that this is the wrong place and the wrong time even if it isn’t the wrong thought. You focus on thinking of Terezi, watching both of you. You imagine what her raspy chuckle is going to sound like in real life, and how pleased she’ll be with you both for doing what you were asked. You harden in Rose’s hand.

She parts your kiss and gives you a nod, she’s ready. You pull your dick out of your pants and line the head up with Rose’s entrance, sliding back and forth between her legs a few times to try to slick yourself up. She lifts one of her legs over your hip to try and give you a better angle and you thank the saint of back alley fucking again that she’s taller than you in heels. You slide into her, soft and warm and thankfully wet for you. “Kanaya,” she moans under her breath, and you wonder if her troll is watching you as well, or whether this is entirely Terezi’s game. You move your hips as she rocks against you, trying to go slow, trying to be gentle. You worry that you’re just dragging this out, but god knows you don’t want to be too desperate to finish. Looking Rose in the eye is going to be hard enough after this, let alone if she’s sitting on a bunch of premature ejaculation jokes. She dives back into kissing you, hoisting her other leg off the ground to wrap round your waist as she hangs off your shoulders and leans back against the wall. You bring your hands under her ass to give her a little more lift and she uses it to rock against you harder, grinding you further into her.

Your phone vibrates and Rose must be able to feel it, because she breaks away from the kiss and buries her head in your shoulder.

GC: YOU 4R3 BOTH P3RFORM1NG V3RY W3LL  
GC: NOW P41L 1N H3R  
TG: Whta?

You type one handed, trying to hold Rose up as she curls around you. You can feel the texture inside of her as she tries to get you to hit her sweet spot. Skin on skin, with no protection, she feels amazing. You distantly notice that you didn’t stop your phone from auto-capitalising the first letter before you sent it.

GC: 1M T3LL1NG YOU TO US3 H3R 4S YOUR BUCK3T

Some weird troll metaphor, you don’t understand. You briefly try to think of what she could mean, she wants you to clean Rose up? No, buckets are used for cleaning, you don’t clean them.

GC: J3GUS DO 1 N33D TO SP3LL 1T OUT FOR YOU W1GGL3R?  
GC: TH3 STUFF TH4T COM3S OUT OF YOUR HUM4N BULG3  
GC: 1T GO3S 1N H3R  
GC: S1MPL3 3NOUGH 1NSTRUCT1ONS COOLK1D!  
GC: DONT L3T M3 DOWN

Rose bites into your shoulder to muffle a moan, you’d forgotten how possible it was that someone could overhear you and make a scene out of this scene at any given point. You thrust, trying to speed up, and she squeezes her thighs around you tighter. “Dave,” she moans, lifting up to your ear, “Dave it’s okay.”

You come inside her. You dick pulses as it goes, as you feel yourself pouring into her. She gives the weirdest moan and collapses on you, pulling tighter around you, almost lifting off the wall to hold you against her. You can’t stop yourself from pumping her full, you can’t stop. She makes it look so tempting, being filled up, she wriggles and writhes on you as you keep going. You don’t think you’ve come this much before in your life, your fucking kleenex box is going to be jealous. She mutters her troll’s name again as she clings to you, you feel her squeezing you as her ladybits drink you down, taking everything your dick gives her.

It seems to drag on forever, but eventually you start to go soft inside her, and her stuff stops feeling like she’s trying to swallow you cock-first. You awkwardly disengage, ensuring she gets steady onto her feet before putting yourself back in your underwear and zipping your pants back together. You’d still be looking pretty good, except for the drying piss on your pant leg, but she looks a mess. Her makeup has streaked at the edges of her eyes, her lipstick’s smeared halfway across her jaw and she probably left most of her contouring on the side of her neck. She regards her still wet panties skeptically before discarding them. Her dress, she smoothes as best she can but there seems to be no way for it to sit right on her. She looks a whole lot more sober now that she’s trashed, ironically.

You take a cab back to her place and she holds your hand the whole way there, gripping you for dear life. When you drop her off you share a brief kiss, but you don’t ask to stay the night and she doesn’t offer. Terezi messages you something generic, congratulating you on your obedience, but since you don’t see any instructions, you don’t bother reading enough to reply.

 

* * *

 

GC: COOLK1D  
GC: 1V3 SPOK3N TO TH3 OTH3RS 4ND TH3Y 4R3 R3L4T1V3LY PL34S3D W1TH YOUR P3RFORM4NC3 SO F4R  
GC: W3 JUST N33D ON3 MOR3 PROOF OF YOUR LOYALTY  
TG: what more do you freaks fucking need from me?  
GC: 4 L1TTL3 L3SS CH33K WOULD B3 4 GOOD ST4RT!  
GC: BUT W3 C4N D34L W1TH TH4T L4T3R  
TG: what if i say im out  
TG: what if i dont want to play anymore  
GC: YOU KNOW TH1S STOPP3D B31NG JUST 4 G4M3 TH3 F1RST T1M3 W3 CONT4CT3D YOU  
GC: 1F 1T 3V3R W4S  
GC: 4ND WH4T WOULD YOU DO W1THOUT US?  
GC: 3V3N 1F YOU D1DNT H4V3 TO GO B4CK TO YOUR SH1TTY JOB  
GC: WOULDNT YOU WOND3R WH3R3 W3 COULD H4V3 T4K3N YOU?  
GC: WOULD YOU B3 H4PPY W1TH YOUR L1F3 1F YOU D1DNT KNOW?  
GC: 1 KNOW YOUR M1ND HUM4N  
GC: 1F W3 L3T YOU GO YOU WOULD JUST TURN 1NTO ON3 OF THOS3 OTH3R S4D 4P3S  
GC: POST1NG L3WD STOR13S ONL1N3 1N TH3 HOP3S W3 WOULD T4K3 YOU B4CK  
GC: 1TS SL4V3RY 31TH3R W4Y  
GC: WOULD YOU R4TH3R B3 SL4V3 TO US?  
GC: OR SL4V3 TO YOUR OWN CUR1OUS1TY FOR TH3 R3ST OF YOUR L1F3?  
\-- turntechGodhead [ TG ] is an idle chum! --  
GC: YOU H4V3 SOM3 T1M3 TO TH1NK 1T OV3R  
GC: WH3N YOUR3 F1N1SH3D  
GC: COM3 M33T US 1N P3RSON

 

* * *

 

It looks like any other office building from the street, but the coordinates sent to your phone tell you this is the hideout of aliens on Earth. The message came with instructions to dress nice, you’re in a business suit, though you have no idea why. You left your keys in your apartment and let your cat out with a note on his collar. Your neighbours will take care of him, probably. You just have a feeling this isn’t the kind of meeting you come back from. Whether that works out in your favour or not, you don’t know, but you don’t want the option of running away in front of you, you don’t want anything left to go back to. Your bridges are burning and you’re not yet on safe ground, the only way out is to run forward through the flames and not look back.

You enter through an automated door, smooth glass parting like some kind of metaphor for a path of least resistance. The foyer inside is pleasantly warm, a little more humid than your average office, and you pull at your tie knot subconsciously. You can’t remember the last time you put on a tie to impress a girl, but here you are. You think Terezi’s a girl. Or whatever passes for a girl among aliens. You guess that kind of invalidates the whole gender binary thing. Score one for your sexuality, even more confused than previously estimated. To either side of the room there are comfortable looking chairs sitting empty, directly in front of you is a some kind of information counter. Rose is sitting on it, fixing up her lipstick with a compact mirror. She’s dressed in suit pants, low heels, a vest and a lilac collared shirt. You’re not even surprised to see her here, or see her dressed well.

She hops down from the counter as you approach, and you adjust your posture into something you hope suitably communicates just how fucking shitty you feel about the last time you were together. She smiles the same smile she’s always smiled, intelligent and sharp and deadly. She’s beautiful like this, but you have a very good feeling she’s not looking that way for you.

“Right this way m'sieur,” she says in her best maitre d’ impression, directing you towards a row of elevators.

“Rose,” you say, “Rose I, shit, I don’t know how to say this.” You don’t follow her yet. “I’m so fucking sorry, for whatever that was last time.”

She turns back to look at you, and for a moment you see the crack in her mask before she patches it back up with careful disdain. “There is nothing to apologise for, follow me.”

“No, it was fucked up and I’m going to apologise all I like until I’m blue in the face because shit was not right, Lalonde. Shit was fucking not alright and, and I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say but if there’s anything that can be done to make that up to, if there’s,” you pause, searching for something like a solution. “I want to fix this, Rose. I want to fix us.”

She turns to face you fully, and takes a measured step closer. You think for a moment she might be about to slap you, instead she takes one of your hands in hers. “There is no fixing us, Dave. Not anymore. Now come on, don’t make them wait.”

You don’t want that to be it, you want to do something more. But a second’s thought tells you she’s right. It’s over. You follow her into the elevator without anything more in the way of complaint or apology.

She pushes the buttons for floor six and floor twelve together, and the elevator murmurs consent before descending down into the Earth.

 

* * *

 

\-- ectoBiologist [ EB ] started pestering turntechGodhead [ TG ] --

EB: hey dave, how’ve you been?  
\-- turntechGodhead [ TG ] is an idle chum! --  
EB: okay that was probably a sucky opener.  
EB: it’s been a while since we’ve talked so I thought I’d say hi  
EB: jade says she hasn’t seen you online much lately  
EB: or rose for that matter  
EB: are you two planning some kind of epic pranking war on us because if so we are going to kick your butts!  
EB: fair warning  
EB: you really aren’t online, huh?  
EB: listen, I know it was sort of a dick move to not talk to you for so long  
EB: but you know what else is a dick move, dave?  
EB: KISSING YOUR BEST FRIEND!  
EB: ON THE MOUTH!  
EB: WITH YOUR MOUTH!  
EB: YOUR STRAIGHT BEST FRIEND!  
EB: so I guess I just got flustered  
EB: but I’ve been thinking a lot about it  
EB: and, presuming you weren’t just fucking with me, I guess it wasn’t that bad a kiss  
EB: and maybe  
EB: maybe the whole “straight” thing  
EB: maybe that’s not one hundred percent accurate anymore  
EB: like this isn’t a coming out thing or anything like that  
EB: but I don’t know  
EB: being kissed by you was kind of nice  
EB: and I think maybe getting to kiss you back would be nice too  
EB: but only if we stay total bro friends afterwards!  
EB: I don’t want things between us to change  
EB: argh this is dumb I should stop rambling into the ether  
EB: send me a message when you get this and  
EB: I don’t know  
EB: we could hang out at my place?  
EB: <3

 

* * *

 

After what feels like an eternity of waiting, with Rose standing silently at your side and your gut twisting itself in knots, the elevator stops. The music comes to an abrupt halt as you stop moving downwards and everything goes quiet as ladies night at the mortuary. Rose turns to you, producing a small vial from some pocket and holds it out at arm’s length.

“Think babel fish,” she says. Inside the glass an orange coloured worm wriggles around blindly. “It goes in your ear.”

“Gross,” you say, holding the vial up to your shades to investigate it further.

“Are you really going to pick now to be squeamish?”

You suppose you’re not.

It wriggles as it burrows in through your ear..

The elevator opens out onto darkness, or near enough anyway. Air even more humid than the lobby starts snaking in the door immediately, smelling of spices you’ve never tasted. You hear the unmistakable tapping of fingers at keyboards, but your eyes don’t yet adjust. Rose gestures with her head that you should leave first, so you take a cautious first step out into what you would probably call a cave if it felt anything other than man made. Though, you realise distantly, men didn’t make this.

The floor squishes under your feet, something spongy and soft that you don’t want to think about. You’re starting to make out the glow of darkened computer screens lining the walls , and heads moving back and forth in front of them. None of the theories about troll biology online said anything about them having _horns_.

“Coolkid!” A voice calls out from across the cave, somehow both husky and grating, unoiled machinery grinding together to make a cackle just like you always imagined. “I was beginning to think you’d let me down!” A figure stalks towards you in the darkness coming closer until she’s reached full height, and then keeps on coming. None of the theories on troll biology online said anything about them being _fucking huge_.

She reaches out with a claw to ruffle your hair and you barely stop yourself from recoiling as she runs those razor blade nails across your scalp. She tilts your head back as she does so, giving you a full look at all seven feet plus of her, capped off with horns like knives, pointed out to either side of a head covered in coiling black hair. You presume it’s hair. “But I knew you wouldn’t disappoint,” she continues. “Not my Coolkid. Speaking of!”

She snatches the shades off your face before you have time to register, and with a sickening crunch shards of tinted glass run through her fingers onto the floor beneath you. Even this minimum of light stings at your eyes and you actually have to fight back tears. For some reason the fact that John gave those to you won’t stop rattling around in your head.

“Oh grow up,” she exclaims, loud and uncomfortably close to your face. “If you’re really going to be that much of a wiggler about something like that I’m sure I can always find and train a different Coolkid.”

You swipe at your eyes quickly to brush away anything resembling tears. “I’m fine, totally cool, don’t need to worry about me, TZ.” She nods at you, slow and even, like she’s worried that you won’t understand what that means. “It’s Dave, by the way. My name, it’s Dave. Dave is me.”

She slides her palm back smoothly into your hair, trailing down to the top of your spine and wrapping around your neck so fluidly that you don’t realise until it’s too late she’s made a collar for you with one hand. You can feel her fingers touching behind your neck, her skin cool against yours all the way along. With her grip sure, she pushes you down, following you until you’re on your knees with her hand still squeezing your throat. From what you can make out of her jet black features, she has no expression on her face. She towers above you in the darkness.

“Coolkid,” she begins, quiet and crackling with a kind of vocal fry that no human could replicate. “Nobody cares what your name was.” She squeezes tighter and you feel the blood start to pool in your head. “Nobody cared before, nobody cares now and nobody will ever care in the future.” You can still breath, but you feel like you’re going to black out. “You understand this now and will not insist on wasting anyone’s time with such details again.” She doesn’t let go of your throat, instead she simply loosens her grip and waits for you to steady yourself before releasing you. She draws back up to her full height and waits for you to join her. You rise up as best you can on shaking knees.

“Good Coolkid.”

 

* * *

 

She leads you through the caverns, by which you mean she walks and you follow. Rose is a presence at your back, nothing more, as your eyes slowly adjust to the darkness and Terezi takes you further down into the troll hideout. Light comes from the ground, soft luminescence from whatever it is that keeps squishing under your feet. Every so often something glows brighter on the wall as it writhes in place. Intersections come up again and again, through which Terezi effortlessly navigates, you don’t bother to keep track. You’re not prepared to leave this place on your own. Eventually you come to the first door you’ve seen in this complex, lit up by the glow from beneath and two glowing bugs impaled on either side. Terezi doesn’t knock before entering.

“—ridan will handle the numbers, that’s what I’m paying his insufferable nookmunching ass for,” a voice growls out of the darkness of the new room. You hesitate for a moment before following Terezi in.

“And since you don’t pay me a single lousy caegar to deal with your tantrums when he soils the sopor, I am going to insist that you check the information yourself before trusting his results,” a second voice says to the first. “Terezi,” it greets.

The room you’ve entered is small, more like an office than the warehouse-sized caverns you’d passed through on your way in here. The walls are draped with banners, each covered in small text, unreadable in the darkness. In the centre of the room a troll sits atop a raised throne, the first voice in the darkness you think, with another troll off to his side. She stands tall, bearing down on him with her arms folded. He sits facing away from her, chin in hand, resting on the side of his throne.

“Hail, fearless leader!” Terezi’s voice carries an obvious laugh, not so much hidden as strongly implied. “As promised, we have the first prototype ready for your approval,” she gestures at you.

“Do my auricular sponge clots deceive me? Kanaya has had hers broken in for half a perigee and you’re calling this one ‘first’?” The figure in the throne sits up, giving Terezi his full attention, to the chagrin of the figure at his side.

“We agreed that Rose would be considered an exception,” the standing troll says, tapping her foot. This must be Kanaya then. “In light of her self-domestication, she can hardly be considered an average human. Terezi insisted that we use a more commonplace specimen for testing.”

“And thus, the Coolkid!” Terezi chirps. “Coolkid, this is Grand Threshecutioner Karkat Vantas and you are going to make him _very_ happy.”

“Or else,” says Kanaya, though it doesn't sound like you're the one she's warning.

Terezi leads you over with a guiding hand on the back of your neck. You feel tension through her, fear perhaps, or anticipation. Even relaxing back in his throne, Karkat looms over you. Most of what you can see of him is the glow of his outfit, lines of candy cane red run up his legs, across his torso and out to stretch over his arms to his fingertips. They provide a surprising amount of detail, you can see the curl of muscles over his chest, a washboard made for another world. He adjusts in his seat and they flex as his core twists, whatever he’s wearing isn’t some wanky tribute to alien machismo, that shit is skin tight and showing off exactly how ripped your alien conqueror is. He sits forward to place his chin on his hand and you watch something that must function as a bicep flex. Your dick does you the favour of waking up at that, because of all the shit you took with you when you left Bro’s apartment, apparently a fetish for guys who could snap you like a twig is part of the package.

“Helmsman’s horns, she’s beautiful,” he says, reaching out to trace a thumbpad along your cheekbone. You get an excellent look at his claws, thumb and first two fingers of his left hand are trimmed short, the remaining two fingers and his entire right hand are deadly sharp orange points. His eyes stand out within his cowl, reflecting light back at you with a red tint. His horns poke through holes in the black fabric, wicked like every priest told you they would be when the devil took you in for loving your fellow man the way Jegus told you to. If they had have told you hell came with his kind of man you’d have started taking the lord’s name in vain a whole lot earlier.

“Actually this one is a male of the species,” Terezi offers conversationally, a neat fact that you might not know about weird aliens, not anything important. “An angry loner, couldn’t get a warm body over a bucket if it was drone day, I know your type.”

He purrs like a muscle car, all engines revving like truckasaurus wants you to come hither. _Yes_ , says a deep down part of your anatomy, _hell yes I want to come hither_. “Hell fucking yes I want to come,” you say outloud because the impending alien invasion of your pants is doing nothing for your self control.

You panic for a very long second before Terezi laughs at your outburst, though you don’t miss the way her hand tightens around the back of your neck. “He means he wants to pail,” she says to Karkat, talking over you. “You’re giving him a wiggly just sitting there.”

“Holy shit,” Karkat says, shifting towards you. “Are they all like that?”

You can imagine the way she’s smiling at that, you feel the subtle shift in her body language as she exudes pride. “They are when I’m through with them. He already pailed his own moirail and I didn’t even have to ask nicely.”

There’s a growl from the side of the room and oh shit you completely forgot there was an extra alien in here with you. Rose is wrapped up in her arms, lying slack and red faced as the alien gropes her through her shirt.

“Ooo, you better watch out Coolkid,” Terezi jokes at you, though you know you’re not the one meant to hear it. “Kanaya doesn’t like to share. She wasn’t very happy after I had you use her favourite for a bucket.” Rose doesn’t look at you, but Kanaya does, a flickering glance of half-lidded eyes. She shifts one of her hands down to palm Rose’s crotch.

“Really, Terezi, as if I would blame the human for your treatment of Rose. Clearly you just wanted to indulge Karkat’s fetish for quadrant blurring in order to mask your substandard work.” You watch Kanaya dig her fingers upwards in between Rose’s legs and your best friend moans like she’s getting paid to. “I was under the impression you were intending this as a demonstration rather than an opportunity to fondle your globes over your little training regimen.”

“I was simply waiting for the non-combatants to clear out of the strife pit before we make a mess of things,” there’s something off about the banter, but even with your translation bug you’re not understanding half the words being used here. “Or were you the one planning on indulging our leader’s quadrant blurring proclivities?”

“A troll’s moirail has a standing invitation whenever their palemate is about to make a fool of himself in front of entirely new species. I am, however, rather curious as to the capacity in which you were intending to remain here, as—”

“Knock it off, both of you,” Karkat interrupts, and firm fingers cup your entire jaw, turning your head and your focus back to him. “I will tell you exactly how far up your respective wastechutes you can store that kind of ashen flirting when the aliens are not in the room. Kanaya is staying, because I say so, and Terezi is staying, because I say so, and as your leader I feel inclined to explain exactly jack shit.”

Terezi laughs and presses you forward with the hand on your neck, bowing your head before bringing you up. “Your wish is our command oh mighty threshecutioner,” she says exuberantly.

“That’s grand fucking threshecutioner to you,” Karkat growls smugly, “Now get him out of those clothes and lie him down. We’re doing this.”

“We’re making this happen,” you say without thinking, before feeling Terezi’s hand tighten like a vice on you. Karkat’s eyes widen before narrowing.

“I thought you said this thing was _trained_ , Terezi,” Karkat growls and her hand squeezes you even harder. You feel yourself skipping right over bruising and into ‘shattered vertebrae’ territory.

“It’s still a work in progress,” Terezi says, “I was under the impression we had already gotten past the dumb outbursts part, but some barkbeasts soil the floor fur longer than others.”

“It’s fine,” says Karkat, in a tone that indicates very much that it is not fine. Why the fuck do you have to start thinking of your brother at a time like this. “I’ll deal with it.”

Karkat stands up out of his throne and goddamn is that terrifying. All of him ripples as his wetsuit uniform adjusts over his body, flashing exactly the amount of muscle you just pissed off. He’s not quite as tall as Terezi, but he’s still a fuckload of height plus horns before he bends down to look you right in the eyes. You try to avert your gaze but he’s too damn close to get away from. His hands are gentle as he runs them up the front of your suit and shirt, settling over your collarbones.

“Hey,” he says, needlessly getting your attention. His voice is quiet and raspy, the same grating tone as Terezi but harsher, deeper. “That was a pretty fucking dumb thing to say, wasn’t it?” He’s so, so quiet compared to before. You’re shaking. “In fact, I’d say that everything you say is probably just as dumb,” he’s down to almost a loud whisper now, and you have to lean forward to hear, even with such little distance between you. “So the only thing I want to hear coming from your alien bulge holster,” his tone changes, harsher but still so quiet, “is ‘please fuck me, oh mighty troll overlord’.”

His claws curl in the material of your shirt, poking holes in it careless, as he stands back up to full height and looks down at you. “Now what do you say?”

You hesitate, breath caught in your throat. You don’t want to say _anything_ with the three of them in the room. You had so much damn time to learn to keep your trap shut, never believing the teachers and coworkers and friends who said one day your smart mouth was going to get you in trouble.

“What do you say?” Karkat repeats and oh god you don’t want to make him say it a third time.

“Please fuck me,” you say, “please fuck me, oh mighty troll overlord.”

“Well,” says Karkat, tightening his grip on your shirt, “if you insist.”

With a sound like a phone book being torn in half, Karkat tears the entirety of your shirt and suit jacket off your chest. He has to take a second to get the ragged remains of your clothing off his hands, while he does you feel Terezi reach around and dig her thumbs in behind the waistband of your pants and your underwear. Your nicest belt doesn’t last a second as she tears you open, completely bared before the subtle reflective glow of Karkat’s eyes.

“What the fuck is that?” He asks of your terror boner. “Sufferer’s tits is it rigid? Did we actually get lucky enough to find a species with sex toys for bulges?” His presses a hand to the soft of your belly, feeling for something beneath your skin. “Holy shit that’s hot.”

Terezi is uncharacteristically gentle as she pulls you down to lie flat on the floor.

Karkat runs a clawless finger down the side of his hips before pulling back the material of his uniform. In the dim light you can’t make out of a lot, that ashy black is definitely their skin, though it has grey accents at places. What definitely captures your attention is what looks like a zipper formation right between his legs, or what you _thought_ was a zipper until the teeth of his nook open up to greet you. The little grey-white claspers flex outwards as his lips part and oh god the nerds on the forums were way off base with their troll biology headcanon. Something red and wet is stirring behind his opening but that’s the last you see of it as he descends down from standing to kneel right above your crotch.

“You look hesitant,” Karkat says, quietly again, and you seize up a little. You are desperately aware of Terezi’s hand playing in your hair. “What do you say?”

You don’t want to say anything, you want to scream. “Please fuck me, oh mighty troll overlord,” you tell him.

“That didn’t sound like you actually want it,” he’s so quiet, one hand braced just to the left of your shoulder what must be half a ton of alien balances himself over you. “Are you sure?”

Terezi’s hand tightens in your hair. “Please fuck me, oh mighty troll overlord.”

“I’m still not sure,” he says, and he brushes a lock of hair out of your eyes before stroking your face with the backs of his fingers.

“Please fuck me,” you beg, “please, please I want it.” Terezi purrs quietly behind you. “Please give me your bulge or your nook or fucking whatever just please fuck me, Karkat.” You screw your eyes up.

“Holy shit,” says Karkat.

You don’t look at first, as he lowers himself (lowers his teeth) down onto you. You look the fucking second you feel something grab you down there. Your scalp burns as Terezi holds you firmly in place by your hair, but you bend your neck enough to get a glimpse of the multitude of red tentacles coiling around your dick, warm like a thousand tiny tongues as they pull you up and into him. They feed you further and further into him, squeezing as they go, pulsing in time with his breath.

“What the fuck,” Karkat says in disbelief, “why the fuck didn’t we conquer these assholes sooner.” He moans deep and guttural and you feel it all through your body. “This feels amazing.”

His insides are tight and warm around you, but even there he seems to have more feelers in place of smooth walls. They coil up and down your length, trying to pull you deeper in waves, like he’s trying to swallow you whole. Some manage to get around the head of your dick and your vision whites out for a moment as the sensation overwhelms you. Then it happens again. And again. And again. And then you start to think he’s going it on purpose.

Terezi cackles and covers your eyes with her hand as you whine helplessly. “Broken so quickly, Coolkid? I expected you to do a little better than that.” Broken is right, you can’t even move your hips because your entire lower half feels constantly on the verge of spasming. Everything tingles, and you can feel all the damage Terezi did to your neck because you can’t feel anything else. The fucking has stopped feeling like anything that could resemble sex and started feeling like oblivion.

“Does it move,” Karkat asks from a mile away, “can you make it move?”

“I can’t make it do anything!” Terezi objects from a room on the other side of the house. “They get like this sometimes, but they’re just toys.”

You can’t see anymore. You can’t feel anymore. You think you might be moaning, but the coil and uncoil of tentacles around your junk is drowning out everything that resembles sound. You forget your name. You forget where you grew up. All you know is alien muscles moving in strange ways above you and gravel coated voices speaking a language so different from anything you understand. You wanted to play a game to forget about fucking up with your best friend and now you can’t remember his face because you are getting fucked beyond the human capacity to reason.

“Mistress Terezi,” a familiar voice might have said, from the far end of a stadium, “may I?”

A hand slides into yours, twines your fingers together. The hand is small, and you can say from memory that her skin is a few shades darker than your own. You have callouses on your palm and she has hers on her finger tips, but together you have one complete set of smooth hands. You held this hand in yours after she broke up with her first girlfriend. This hand smoothed back your hair when you told her you kissed John and he pushed you away.

Rose holds your hand.

You open your eyes, looking up at her in the darkness, as you slowly start to piece yourself together. Sensation is returning to your extremities, and you begin feeling the writhing of karkat’s insides against you again. Rose looks like she always did, gorgeous and condescending and your light in whatever darkness you happened to find yourself in. Her hair is mussed and there’s a stain of some kind trailing down her chin, but she’s still your Rose.

She leans in past your face to whisper, lips hot as they brush your ear. “Come on, Dave,” she says your name in hushed tones, a secret between the two of you alone. “Admit you love it.” Her hand doesn’t leave yours as you moan in response.

“What?” says Karkat, still above you and writhing in circles around your dick, his nethers pulling you together as he fucks you into him. “What does that mean?”

“It means,” you say, and shit, you might die for this. “That I want you to fuck me, grand threshecutioner.”

You sit up under him, as best you can, and bring a hand up to grab on his hip. He growls a warning at you, then you thrust your hips into his with all the strength you can muster and watch his eyes shut as his growl dissolves into that muscle car purr. You thrust again and he trills, like a cicada with a megaphone. Rose doesn’t let go of your hand as you keep pumping into him. His junk slides around yours, trying to find something to grip, something to hold onto, but getting lost on your slickened length and flailing helplessly within him. It feels amazing.

You should want anything but this. A cosmic horror is crashing your pants party and you’re thrusting right into its maw. You’ve all but given up on ever being a person again, in exchange for whatever the hell this is. But Rose is holding your hand, is telling you you should want this. You don’t know what you want, but you know what feels good. This feels good.

Karkat slams you back down into the soft ground and arches over you, pressing down as hard as he can with his junk. He puts his lips to your neck and bears his teeth as you buck up into him once more. Like this, with his mouth up against your throat, you can feel the vibrations of his satisfaction in your bones. He purrs and chirps and sounds like a dubstep fuelled hell cricket and there’s a small part of you that realises that if you were meeting on level ground you would be _wrecking_ him. As it is, his claws dig into your shoulder and his teeth press against your skin. All that he’s doing whispers threat and ownership and intimacy in between his gasps as he pants for air on top of you.

“Terezi,” Karkat growls against you, or pleads, it’s hard to say. “Terezi I’m going to—” he moans as you pump up into him again, “I need to,”

“It’s a sex toy, Karkat,” Terezi condescends from some place behind and above you, “you don’t need a bucket.”

He wails at that, and it’s either the worm in your ear or you’re slowly starting to get the troll stuff, but whatever she just suggested to him must be considered filthy by their standards. Rose’s hand tightens in yours, and Karkat’s junk starts squeezing yours for dear life.

“Please,” you don’t have enough breath, with the full weight of him bearing down on you, “please fuck me,” he arches his back like a cat hissing, driving his hips down into yours, “please make me your bucket.”

As it happens, you fixate on the little details. The way his eyes flutter shut, how his jaw drops right open as he gasps. You see all the muscles along his stomach curl inwards as his junk pulls you in, making sure not an inch of your dick is anywhere other than inside him. You feel wave after wave of warm fluids wash over you and splatter on your crotch, your thighs. His whole being seems to pulse with his orgasm, and when his tentacles finally stop squeezing your dick, you find your own release. Buried deep under the city, pinned under your alien captor, you see stars.

 

* * *

 

Karkat grumbles to himself while he types on his computer. You imagine in a different world, if he wasn’t the guy who had complete control over every aspect of your life, you’d find that cute. Idly he puts a hand through your hair, scratching you as gently as a troll can scratch. Trying to assure you that it’s not you he’s mad at. As if that would make a difference, given you’re the one on the receiving end either way. You’re pretty sure his moirails been neglecting him to get back at you, all that pent up frustration having no other outlet. Your own moirail is doing pretty well. The trolls all got drunk on sopor the other week and had the troll equivalent of a pale wedding for you and Rose as a joke. They made you fuck afterwards, which left Kanaya fuming as always.

“They’re behind on the delivery date again,” Karkat explains to you, or to himself. “Fucking globe fondlers can’t get their hands off each other's cheeks for five seconds to actually do the goddamn work.” Nepeta and Equius then. If it was your place to tell him, you’d let him know that the cross-breeding project was doomed from the start, given humans aren’t genetically similar enough to any of the other fauna on the planet. That hasn’t stopped them from trying, though. Rose whispered to you once that she’d seen Jade with them, but that was a while ago.

You rub your face into his leg, in mute affection. Some days he loves your housecat impression, other days not so much, it’s just a matter of catching him before he gets too worked up. Not like you weren’t raised from birth to deal with that exact kind of situation. He scratches you a little further back, where he thinks you like it. It’s not your place to tell him what you actually like.

Kanaya enters, and pointedly ignores you while she talks to Karkat about something. You pointedly ignore her, because nothing good ever comes out of her mouth and you’re so tired of hearing bad news. Rose is wearing a dress today, plunging neckline, extra ruffles on the hips. There seems to be no end to the clothing Kanaya wants to drape her pet in, Karkat keeps you naked. Rose comes over to cuddle up behind you, because the trolls expect it. You’re moirails after all. You reach around to dab her cheek with your palm, because you’re the lowblood of the two and are therefore expected to keep her calm. For trolls that just means some awkward face touching and you’re considered to have done your husbandly duties.

You feel the swell of Rose’s stomach behind you. Kanaya had gone to lengths to ensure you knew that whatever is in there isn’t yours. You can’t believe you found a situation wherein Rose not being pregnant with your kid was the bad outcome. Sometimes it wriggles. If the two of you could talk you’d joke about naming it. Rose is allowed to talk as much as she likes, but only when she’s alone with Kanaya and never to you. You’re still only allowed to say the one thing.

Whatever gets said between Karkat and Kanaya ends with the latter leaving in a huff, not bothering to ask before she yanks Rose to her feet and drags her away by her arm. You swallow down on tears. Karkat’s claws scratch your scalp a little harder than before, still controlling himself, but doing a worse job of it now. Eventually he gets to the part of his night where he has to admit that Eridan has fucked up his numbers and his moirail was right. His computer gets discarded to the side as it becomes tomorrow’s problem for him and tonight’s problem for you. You brace for the inevitable as his hand slides down to curl around the back of your neck, you know what he wants from you, what he wants you to say. The rumble in his chest, purring with anticipation, or growling with pent-up frustration, it’s a few decibels difference that you’re unable to describe. He wavers between the two, and you have to decide exactly how hard the next hour of your like is going to be.

“Please fuck me, Karkat,” you ask him. “Please fuck me.”

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, thank you so much Laylah for running this exchange again!
> 
> Last year was my first Drone Season, and having all but given up on writing as a hobby for years, Drone Season pushed me to put more time and energy into doing a thing I love. I wrote five fics that year, one gift, two pinch hits and two sloppy seconds, and I practically jumped for joy when I heard you were running the exchange again this year.
> 
> Thank you as well for giving me such interesting requests! I feel like the prompts I got (and the person they were being gifted to!) have pushed me to improve as a writer and make what I hope will turn out to be my best fic yet. I went through three different concepts and a total of six drafts, throwing out more than 20k words to get something I felt would make for an enjoyable and engaging read.


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